Two-man Rock Band

We are in the same band alright,

But when I write Bohemian Rhapsody

You come up with

I Love My Car.

-Uththara-

Winter

When you aren't here, right by my side
I think I hate you
I do hate you
Absolutely detest you...
Time feels frozen,
in a cold dead zone
You turn the rainbow world
in to a grey-scale haze
and I hate you with a passion
like a witch, old-fashioned

But then your season dawns
with white flakes and crystal snow
naked trees with sculptured boughs
I'd stare at you with love, with awe
Surreal silhouettes that greet the morn
Blazing skies above cold, dead grounds
You turn the world in to piece of art
Knocking in blissful tunes
at the gates of my heart.

-Uththara-

Decision to Leave in a monologue

I can no longer hold this in
not any more

my head screams

my heart moans 

hysterically my whole body aches

I feel miserable

Why don't I go insane

Why don't I lose my mind

Why am I still conscious

Why am I still sober

Why am I on earth

What on earth am I doing on earth

I hate everything right now

I need to clean my head

If I could wipe everything out

with a bucket of water,

I would pour torrents

I need to get out of this world

I don't belong here

Wrong place, wrong time sweetheart

You need to find the courage to leave 

Your staying is a waste of everyone else's

time, life, love, and space

So don't be a coward now.

Don't be selfish.

Go.

-Uththara-

Love + War = Patience + Stupidity

Love,

I will wait

be patient 

and watch over

all your stupidity

You've sown on the grounds of my heart

like nature watches over

all human stupidity

spread all over her blue-green earth

with her wise old half-closed eyes

Then, when it starts to hurt your own head

with your own stupidity,

when you finally decide to leave

leaving behind the glorious titanic mansions 

of stupidity, you built,

I will take over

cover every brick of memory

with the mossy messes

and the grasslands

webs of roots 

and vine curtains

I will wash my heart with pouring rains

and secret crystal fountains

ever so slowly,

so the passers-by can witness

your stupidity and my patience

for centuries

and I will move on

as if you never happened.

Until another moron comes along.

-Uththara-

Photo: https://www.theatlantic.com/photo/2018/05/the-fading-battlefields-of-world-war-i/561353/?fbclid=IwAR34DOUx4aPltW1qDCSjqBcVUNi1bvyVhPCEpC57Zy36u9kkKZRhNkese24&utm_campaign=the-atlantic&utm_content=5be7e1889ac56400017e5636_ta&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook

Talking with My Minx of a Bad Angel

All day long, all night long

playing with fire

but I'm cold

Trying wildfire, 

and lighter fluid 

but this heart's still unthawed.
The world turns warm

on a season's song

my skin gets tanned to brown

my prisoner in the ribbed cage

is like a toad
sleeping under a stone.
Winter falls, gorgeous, 

heartless and cold

Frostbites bite

like the tales untold 

hugging the feelings of kin unthawed;

so take my soul for nothing!

Once!? Twice!? Sold!!

-Uththara-

A Sunlit Bank of Memory

It was a mossy tree, fallen across an unattended trail that we happened to walk through one evening; one of those tranquil evenings with a calm setting sun that mirrored the same freshness of the rising rays of a spring morning. The way that guided us there was adorned quite lavishly with small while wildflowers. One side of the trail was fenced with a thick row of bushes and a couple of age-old trees, leaving enough and more spaces to glance at the river that paced by, while time flew. We sat on the fallen giant with all the respect we can offer his once-glorious days. He had already so generously sacrificed his body for the growth of new life. The soothing green moss and marble-patterned mushrooms that had sprung up covering his body to liven his lingering funeral made the walls that covered his core look almost transparent. It smelled like earth; it felt otherworldly.

The rays of the setting sun had fallen on the rippling river and the glow illuminated the fallen, withering body of the giant. We were mere insignificant parts of that harmonious amalgam of the living and the dead in that one place of the trail that belonged neither here, nor there. We weren't at the beginning; we weren't anywhere near the end. We were on the way but we were neither going, nor coming.

Whenever the occasional walkers passed through that way, we had to stand up and make way. And when the very last of the fading footsteps were gone, we were alone in the world of the living and the dead that smelled like earth and felt otherworldly. I kept staring at the magical glow of the waves constantly dancing to the silent universal rhythm blown away by the wind. I felt as if we could hear it if we were quiet enough to listen to it. There were two souls sitting on that fallen throne, but there ruled a silence as thick as a dragon skin, penetrated only by occasional wits, spites, and smiles: it was that thick and they were that sharp. That dancing glow in that one random evening lightened up my very being. I felt as if I was made of mirrors inside out. As the light hit my eye, they reflected the light on the other mirrors within me and I was one soul full of light. There wasn't a single dark corner in my soul at that moment. It was pure, ultimate, bliss.

Now, as I idle by on the dark, gloomy streets and by-roads of my soul in a darker hour of life, my mind, perhaps in a gut-attempt to heal me from within, tapped into that luminescent memory ever so live within me.  The light only had to shine on one mirror. I felt every broken bone, ripped off tissue and tangled vein turn into millions, trillions, gazillions of mirrors. The chamber was bright again. I felt my pain subside as it sank in those rippling waters of memory.

-Uththara-